Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
