Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
