Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
