Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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