1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And then he peed in my hair
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