I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
