I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
