So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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