In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
