what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
