You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
