She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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