No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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