chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
