I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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