some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
