Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
