DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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