What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
