im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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