We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
