its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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