I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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