I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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