He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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