She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
