What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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