you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
