My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
