she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
