You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
