We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
