considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're a waste of cheezeits
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
