I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
