Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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