You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
