i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
