Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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