if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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