The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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