The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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