I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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