dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
