I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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