I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
