I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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