why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
