my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't deserve a penis
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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