Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
