I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
