He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
