My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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