Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
